Come Undone

Yesterday I went to see Duran Duran with my mate for the first time in my life.
Great concert, the guys still rule.
Felt very very nostalgic and sad...I couldn't feel as happy as other people did...just the thought of 23 years having passed since they last toured Portugal made me think how quick time passes by without us noticing it.
The ageing process terrifies me.

They played all their hits (almost)...from Girls on Film to Planet Earth, just name it!:)
It was worth it.

Boys, what took you so long?


Mine, immaculate dream made breath and skin
I've been waiting for you
Signed with a home tattoo,
Happy birthday to you was created for you

Can't ever keep from falling apart
At the seams
Can't I believe you're taking my heart
To pieces

Oh, it'll take a little time,
Might take a little crime
To come undone now

We'll try to stay blind
To the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry...

Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone?

Words, playing me deja vu,
Like a radio tune
I swear I've heard before
Chill, is it something real
Or the magic I'm feeding off your fingers

Can't ever keep from falling apart
At the seams
Can I believe you're taking my heart
To pieces

Lost, in a snow filled sky we'll make it alright
To come undone now...

Wishing

Feeling so anxious and afraid of the future.
Afraid that bad things will happen to me and not being able to react, to fight.
I have never been much of a fighter; I go down very easily.
I am down. I used to be happy on Fridays, but I don't feel that way anymore.
We used to go out, drink, dance, laugh, have fun...those days seem so far away...

Sometimes I wish I was someone else. I wish I had a more interesting life. When I read other people's blogs, they seem to lead such a fascinating life...I found a journal from a girl living in Denmark and it's so stupid, but I wish I had her life. Even with her panic attacks and anxieties, everything about her seems so interesting and glamourous...her social life, the places she goes to...
I know no one can live my life for me...I just wish I were happier, that's all...

I wish I were an artist. A writer or maybe a painter. I wish I was adored and loved.
Maybe I am, but lately I haven't felt like that.

My therapist told me that I have got an artist's soul. So why the hell can't I create anything? The only thing I do is feel, think, feel, think, feel, think...it is soooo tiring it hurts.

Back. I hope...

I have been away for soooo long...
I wish I could write every day.
I think a lot and feel too much, but it is very difficult for me to put all my emotions into words.
I am too lazy and definitely not disciplined enough to keep a blog.

I will give myself a second chance...