Wishing

Feeling so anxious and afraid of the future.
Afraid that bad things will happen to me and not being able to react, to fight.
I have never been much of a fighter; I go down very easily.
I am down. I used to be happy on Fridays, but I don't feel that way anymore.
We used to go out, drink, dance, laugh, have fun...those days seem so far away...

Sometimes I wish I was someone else. I wish I had a more interesting life. When I read other people's blogs, they seem to lead such a fascinating life...I found a journal from a girl living in Denmark and it's so stupid, but I wish I had her life. Even with her panic attacks and anxieties, everything about her seems so interesting and glamourous...her social life, the places she goes to...
I know no one can live my life for me...I just wish I were happier, that's all...

I wish I were an artist. A writer or maybe a painter. I wish I was adored and loved.
Maybe I am, but lately I haven't felt like that.

My therapist told me that I have got an artist's soul. So why the hell can't I create anything? The only thing I do is feel, think, feel, think, feel, think...it is soooo tiring it hurts.